The Most Ridiculous Guarantee
In B2B History
We're so confident we'll fill your calendar, we're basically begging to take all the risk.
Your money is safer with us than in your bank account.
Here's the Deal, Friend
If we don't book qualified meetings on your calendar...
YOU. DON'T. PAY.
Not a penny. Not a cent. Not a single satoshi. Nothing. Zilch. Zero. Nada. Goose egg. The big ol' donut.
People Think We're Crazy
Our accountant has cried three times about this guarantee.
We Take ALL the Risk
While you sit back sipping your coffee, we're the ones sweating bullets to deliver results. If we fail, we eat the cost. You eat... well, whatever you want because you didn't pay us.
Protected Like a Newborn
We treat your investment like a sleeping baby. Gently. Carefully. With the kind of paranoid vigilance that only new parents understand. Except we actually deliver results instead of crying at 3am.
Sleep Like a Baby
Know that warm, cozy feeling when you're wrapped in your favorite blanket? That's what working with us feels like. Except the blanket is made of qualified leads and the warmth is ROI.
We Lose Sleep So You Don't
Our team is up at ungodly hours crafting perfect outreach while you're dreaming about closing deals. Actually, keep dreaming about that—we'll make it real.
WHY. Why Do We Offer This?
Let's be disgustingly transparent.
01Because We're Selfish.
There. We said it. We want to grow like rock stars. We want to dominate this industry. And to do that, we need to earn your trust instantly.
Not in 6 months. Not after you've "seen some results." Right now.
The fastest way to earn trust? Remove all the risk. Put our money where our mouth is. Deliver results before you pay a dime.
02We Don't Work With Everyone.
Just because you book a demo doesn't mean we'll work together. We're picky. Really picky.
We only partner with companies that have the right offer—something the market actually wants. And honestly? The right team—people who can actually close on the appointments we book.
We can fill your calendar with qualified decision-makers. But if your sales team can't close, or your offer sucks, we're both wasting our time.
03We Want To Hook You. Hard.
Once you get a taste of bookings with no risk and no commitment? You're not going anywhere.
Why would you? It's free ROI. Literally printing money out of thin air. Qualified meetings showing up on your calendar while you sleep.
We want to hook you so hard that we're in business together for the next 10 years. We want to watch you scale. We want to grow with you. We want to become filthy rich together.
Am I transparent enough?
Our Absurdly Specific Promises
Because vague guarantees are for people who don't deliver.
We will book qualified meetings or you pay nothing
Not tire-kickers. Not interns. Not people who 'just want to learn more.' Actual decision-makers who can sign checks.
No results in 30 days? Full refund, no questions asked
Well, we might ask 'are you sure?' once. But that's just because we'll be so confused how we didn't deliver.
No 12-month contracts with blood sacrifices
Month-to-month. Cancel anytime. We believe in earning your business every single month like a golden retriever earning treats.
We won't spam your prospects into oblivion
Your reputation matters more than our metrics. We'd rather book fewer meetings than turn your brand into a meme.
Perfect alignment—we only bill for one thing
Appointments. That's it. We either delivered an appointment or we didn't. No retainers, no hourly fees, no 'strategy consulting.' Just meetings on your calendar.
Zero enterprise friction
Enterprise loves to add friction. Procurement hoops, legal reviews, 47-step onboarding processes. We hate all of it. Sign up, get started, get meetings. That's our process.
The Only Ones Wasting Time Here?
That Would Be Us.
Let's be crystal clear: if this doesn't work, we're the ones who wasted hundreds of hours building campaigns, researching your market, writing copy, and warming up domains.
You? You risked a 15-minute call. That's it. You could've spent that time scrolling LinkedIn anyway.
Your Risk
15 minutes on a call
Our Risk
Hundreds of hours + costs
If It Fails
We cry, you don't pay
They Were Skeptical Too
Then they realized we weren't lying.
"I thought the guarantee was marketing BS. Then they actually refunded my first month when results were slow. I stayed for 2 years after that."
Marcus T.
CEO, Tech Startup
"Never seen a company put their money where their mouth is like this. It's almost uncomfortable how much risk they take on."
Sarah L.
VP Sales, SaaS
"The guarantee is real. I know because I tested it. They didn't blink. Now I recommend them to everyone."
David K.
Founder, Agency
The "Fine Print"
Except it's in giant letters because we have nothing to hide.
Q: Is there a catch?
A: The only "catch" is you have to actually show up to the meetings we book. We can't close deals for you. (Yet. We're working on it.)
Q: What counts as a "qualified meeting"?
A: A decision-maker at a company that matches your ICP who actually shows up to the call. Not their assistant. Not their intern. The real deal.
Q: How do I get a refund if it doesn't work?
A: Email us and say "it didn't work." That's literally it. No forms. No approval process. No waiting 30 business days.
Q: Why would you offer this?
A: Because we're that confident. And honestly? Clients who feel safe become clients for life. It's selfish, really.
Still Not Comfortable?
Look, if you don't feel comfortable with us after reading all of this...
You probably wouldn't feel comfortable anywhere.
And that's okay. Some people just need a little extra... warmth.
Might we suggest a trip to Amazon for one of those big man Snuggies?
This could be you. Warm. Cozy. Cuddling a duck. Still without any qualified meetings.
🦆 Get your own on AmazonOr... you could just book a call with us and feel the warm embrace of a full pipeline.
(No judgment if you buy the Snuggie anyway. They do look pretty comfortable.)
Ready to Feel Safe?
Come in from the cold, uncertain world of B2B sales. We've got a warm blanket of qualified meetings waiting for you.
Book Your Risk-Free CallP.S. — If you read this entire page, you're clearly thorough. We like that. Those are exactly the kind of clients we love working with.